I lay on that warm pavement with my hands shaking, finding everything funny, as the cars angrily swerve to avoid me.
My body, liver, brain all need a break.
I wish I could just turn my brain off sometimes, it would be pretty great to get continuous great nights of sleep.
I need stability in my life, working to change my life is very difficult and as living the same way for 28 years with no structure is quite a task to change.
I know I can change these things, my problem is when it starts to get tough for me I take two steps back, I could see myself doing this for the past few days, and it's not good for anyone, I had a long conversation on the phone with my mother yesterday, it was a great talk, I found myself talking incessantly about one person, and realized to myself that I can't be letting these steps back happen anymore, that it really is time to change, I had a clear head for a moment when the realization came, it felt wonderful.
I have to admit I'm terrified to change, it's going to be a long process, but it really is time. No doubt in my mind about it. Hard work has always paid off for me in the past, now I need to put hard work in on myself.
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